I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
