Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
