There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
