she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
