we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
