if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I bet he comes in French.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm at about main and main street
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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