WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
