I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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