Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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