genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
And then he peed in my hair
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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