This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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