Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
