i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
