Don't you send me to vm
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
