You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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