She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
