If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
