none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
now i know why i became what i already was.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
