It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you had me at cake vodka
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
