I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
