Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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