I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
