Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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