I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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