You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize