I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
