just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize