The brown eye won't let me do that either.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
