I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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