If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
