need another drink. this is the easiest way
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
