omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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