we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
