Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
