My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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