i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Acid is not a monday night drug
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
