Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
