I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
