So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize