Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
