It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
