i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
