For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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