ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
