Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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