We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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