yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
