So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
