Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
