My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
