You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you had me at cake vodka
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
