I wish my penis had an off switch
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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