Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize