and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
