Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i out mim tonsoeep
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