Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
