My liver just broke up with me...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
