Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize