Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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