Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
