i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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