This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
