Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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