i can't believe i had my finger in that
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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