Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
