btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
