I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
