I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize