The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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