She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i think i just lost a toe
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
