What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
