I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
And then he peed in my hair
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