I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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