it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
