you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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