I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
