Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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