I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
