i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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