So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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