it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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