Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize