Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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