so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
