You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
