my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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