There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
