So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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