My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
