She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
