Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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