What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
