david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
