she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
