One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize