TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
